I have decided to close this blog after realizing that I avoid it like the plague because of the pain my words bring. In doing so, I have created a new story, one that will be set in a more positive light, with the intent to heal. I am not saying that I will be suppressing my feelings, but that I am going to control my feelings, rather than allowing them to control me-after all, they have run amok with me for as far as I can remember. There is a new captain sailing this ship!
http://portlygirl.blogspot.com
Thank you to those of you who were with me in some dark times. Thank you.
Hi. Hey there ;-) I am feeling so good today, in spite of being at work. I was given a 3 day weekend, and I used it to quiet my mind, and let me just say, my mind seriously needed to SHUT THE HELL UP!
I had been feeling so low-lower than low, and when I re-read some of my posts, I recognized that I needed to get a major grip on some things & deep clean my thinking processes. In addition to my weight struggle, there is the ongoing financial struggle that seems to plague me, and it is hindering me from participating in a program that I feel may be the answer to my weight issues. So, needless to say- I about had a complete nervous breakdown. In fact, Thursday night, I had a mini-meltdown on my commute home. I rambled, I cussed, I cried, I yelled, I lost any remaining faith I had in a God- in fact- was quite frank about my feelings on the topic for the first time, out loud. It felt so good to have that release.
And Friday morning, I woke up. My constant headache was gone. My sense of worry, also gone. I got the girls off to school, and starting fiddle-farting around the house. On occasion, I would literally stop what I was doing, look up at the ceiling like it was magical, and think, "I do feel good today". The whole weekend went on like this and each time I realized that I still felt good, I was surprised. I didn't even look in the mirror & get bothered about the appearance of my body. That was so very nice.
For now, until I can get onto that program, I have decided to work on fixing what is broken on my inside.
